The first big game-changing moment is probably when my dad and I moved to the other side of the state to live with my mom, who had been going to graduate school there for 3 years. My life changed when my mom went back to college when I was 8 and even more so when she went to graduate school when I was 12. None of that compared to how it changed when we finally moved to be with her. I was born in Holland and have lived there all growing up until that point. Holland is a small conservative city where I felt at home. I remember my friends talking during freshman year of high school if they could live anywhere in the world, where would it be. I answered Holland and they all thought that I was weird. It has always been my home there and moving was my worst nightmare. I will never forget when I first heard that my dad's interview at the company that would allow us to live in Ann Arbor went well. I didn't know that he even had an interview. I will also never forget when I found out that he got the job and we would be moving. I was in driver's ed at the time when all of this was happening. I was not ready to start driver's ed and I think that a combination of that and my whole life turning upside down resulted in my still having a fear of driving and not having my licence.
Upon finding out that we were moving, I decided to make a present for my friends. I made a pillow that had 5 pieces that fit like a puzzle. We were the Crazy Sisters and each had a nickname, so I made the pieces different colors with everyone's piece being their favorite and put their nicknames on them. I did not want to lose my friends when I moved, but that seems to have been inevitable. I stayed in contact with some of them, and I am friends with all of them on facebook, but we drifted apart. The time that I spent at my new high school was like prison. I even just ate bread and water at lunch. (because I'm picky, but it adds to the effect) I never told anyone, but I honestly didn't think that it would be as bad as I portrayed it. It was. I went into a very deep depression. I didn't ever have thoughts of suicide, but rather thoughts of wishing that I was never born. That's not how I was before at all. I couldn't understand how kids my age could be depressed, but now I was experiencing it. I had no close friends that first year, just acquaintances. I had some more "friends" junior year but never as close as my friends in Holland were.
Senior year rolled around and I was extremely happy to just have one year left! I was taking a health sciences class that was extremely fun and we would get to work in the hospital and other health care places during the second semester. I wanted more than anything to be a vet since I got my dog, and I was really excited. We learned about different body systems and how things all fit together. We also learned some practical skills such as taking temperatures and blood pressures. In December, we started learning about the different parts of the brain. During junior year, I had taken psychology and I thought the brain was really boring. This time something caught my eye, though. I had been having problems with headaches and even walking straight. I went to the doctor multiple times, but she played it off as teenage stress headaches and a poor diet. I read about how the cerebellum was the part of the brain that was used for balance. Offhandedly, I said to my mom one night while doing my health sciences homework, "What if something is wrong with my cerebellum, like I have a tumor or something?" I never actually thought I did. Fast forward toward the end of January. My dad and I were up north to go skiing because we hadn't been up there in years. I skied the the first night that we got there, but the next morning I had an extreme headache. I could barely get out of bed, let alone try to ski. My dad went a few times, but then came back and we went home. At that point, I had been taking aspirin at least every day and I'm one that never takes medicine unless I need it. I didn't know what was going on, but my headaches were getting worse.
A few weeks later, February 5, 2008, I woke up screaming in pain from a headache. They were always worse when I woke up or hadn't eaten in a while. My dad came in and I asked him to get my aspirin, but apparently I was speaking in gibberish. He immediately drove me to the hospital where I just remember flashes of what happened that morning. Apparently they performed a CT scan to see if they could see what was wrong. I just remember waking up and my parents telling me that there was a golf ball sized tumor in my cerebellum. I guess deep down I knew it was true because it didn't come as a huge shock. That could have also been all of the medicine they gave me. They had also run some blood tests, and my mom asked them what my blood type was because she knew that I wanted to know. It was B positive, which I took to mean that God was telling me to Be Positive. The next day I went into surgery. My sisters and brothers-in-law had both come up before I went into surgery and having my family all there helped. At no time did I ever think that I wasn't going to make it out of surgery. I spent a week in the hospital and a few months afterwards in physical therapy to work on my balance. I had struggles, but I had to 'B positive.'
In the next few months, I worked hard to catch up. I ended up dropping three classes and taking one class pass/fail. Luckily I only needed one more class to graduate. I graduated on time and as a member of NHS. I was extremely happy to be done with high school. Over the summer, I went with my church youth group and young adults to Australia. It was World Youth Day/Days in the Diocese. I was extremely lucky to be able to still go after this ordeal with my brain tumor just 5 1/2 months before going. I recovered quickly and over the two weeks that we were on the trip, I started to become even closer to God. I never had a time that God wasn't a part of my life, but through the sorrow of my depression I got closer with God to help me get out of the situation and through World Youth Day I started to become more grateful.
About 2 months later, I started school at Hope College back in my hometown of Holland. I did question God about why I was here thinking that maybe I thought it would be the exact same and I'd just get another chance at my life before. It was different, but for the better. I made amazing friends that are closer than any other friends that I have had before. Hope is a place where my Christianity grew even more just by being surrounded by other Christian that also wanted to grow it their faith. Going to chapel every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday also helped. At the one year anniversary of my brain surgery being successful, I almost cried in chapel from the overwhelming appreciation of all God has done for me.
My friends helped me to realize my true calling in life during freshman year. Ever since I got my dog at age 12, I knew that I wanted to be a vet. I loved animals so much and wanted to help them. We were all biology majors at that point of college. (It seems like everyone goes in pre-something, whether it is pre-med or pre-vet) I knew through taking biology and chemistry that with my grades there was no way that I was going to get into vet school. My friends helped me realize through that first year at college that I was supposed to work in Public Health. I decided to continue on the path of a biology major because I talked to Dr. Mungall, the pre-professional advisor at Hope, and he told me that with a biology major you can pretty much work in any area of public health, and I didn't know what area I wanted to go into.
The summer came and I worked in the lab with my mom. We went on walks at lunch time and walked around the school of public health at U of M a few times. I was trying to figure out what area of public health I wanted to go into, so I went and took some brochures to see what the different types were. I was battling in my mind between epidemiology and behavior science/ health education. I thought about the pros and cons of the two and realized what God wanted me to do. I chose health education because I believe that it is God's plan to have my one day work for a non-profit company raising awareness for brain tumors. I talked to Dr. Mungall about what I should do as far as majors/minors go when I got back the next fall. We talked about a double major in biology and either sociology or psychology. He also gave me contact information for the guy at U of M school of public health. It was already halfway through the semester when I decided that I wanted to get a major in Sociology. I also changed my biology degree from a BS to a BA. Second semester, I took a few classes in Sociology to try and get on track for the missed time. During that semester, I realized how much I loved Sociology and didn't really like biology after all. I only needed one more biology class to get a minor, however. I decided to take that biology class this semester abroad, and change my major to a minor when I get back.
The path that I have been on in life has had it ups and downs. I think everybody's does. I know that God has given me these challenges to grow as a person and it all leads me to be the person that I know he wants me to be. I'm given these challenges, but he also gives me the strength to push through the obstacles. I can't imagine how different my life would have been if any one of these things had been different. I feel that my depression and brain tumor are proof for the saying 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.' After my surgery, people kept telling me how brave I was, but when that's your only choice it's what you do. It wasn't bravery, it was faith that God will help me through anything and He will not give you an obstacle without giving you the strength to push on.
(The title is because I often say 'story of my life' when something happens, but I can't think of an example now.)
Also, it makes me feel so much better to just write all of that down!
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